I Dont Know Why!

“I don’t know why you keep trying to be nice to her when she’s made it clear that she doesn’t want anything to do with you.”

I don’t know why it is so hard sometimes to see the truth. I had wanted so much for her to like me. I had tried so hard and turned my cheek so many times. I don’t know why there were no thank you’s for gifts or acknowledgement of things I’d done, no visits when I had three surgeries, no phone calls, no cards, no birthday or mother’s day celebrations. It was so hard for me to understand how someone I cared for so deeply could show such little regard for me. I don’t know why it’s so hard for me to acknowledge that some people just don’t like me. ME!!??

Impossible, I think. I’m loving, adorable, kind, and just a good person. I don’t understand. I’d taken some gifts to her for the baby in waiting and she didn’t even say thank you. I don’t know why she almost resented me. I don’t know why she hadn’t said thank you for her birthday flowers, either, when I’d gone out of my way to get flowers to match her colors at home and taken time out of my schedule to bring them by. Even when I’d made a salad for the Christmas dinner, as she asked me to, and my son came in to ask where the salad was she merely said “Oh, no one needed it anyway!” No one got up to get the salad out of the refrigerator and, yet, I was told later that she loved the salad and went out to buy all the different ingredients the next week.

Staying in the “I don’t know why” state develops resentments that lead only to frustration and pain as we re-live, re-experience and re-create those experiences in our life.

The simple truth is that we may not know why some things happen. We can, however, learn our own life lessons, take the wisdom, leave the rest behind and move on.

Not everyone is able to accept love and caring. Not everyone is open to receiving. Some people have been so damaged that they become cold, heartless, and shut down. Some people have had to build walls to keep any emotions out that might potentially destroy them as they live a life of fear.

I learned that not everyone is going to be nice to me. I learned that not everyone is going to like me. I learned that there are people I can let go of with love, blessing them, and allowing them to have their own opinions and attitudes in life. Their opinions and attitudes do not have to be mine.

I learned that I can choose to be around people who love me and who want me to be in their lives. I do not have to choose to be around people who clearly don’t want me there.

I learned that sometimes we have to wake up and smell the roses and realize that we deserve better in our lives. We do not have to settle.

I learned that I choose to be acknowledged, appreciated, and treated with loving care and kindness. I not only choose this, I deserve it.

I learned that choices are not always easy sometimes, but being honest with ourselves is essential.

As you move through your life, remember that every experience is a blessing, a gift that allows you to gain a piece of wisdom that will make you stronger.

When you have a life experience that confronts you with your own “don’t know why”, give yourself the opportunity to learn the wisdom, release the past and move forward with confidence, love, and courage. Become grateful for feeling your emotions as a confirmation that you have chosen to fully participate in life.

In these precious moments, you move beyond limitations and move into your full magnificent empowered identity, free from the ties that bind.

Life's Curveballs

Do you realize how good you have it? Yes, everyone has problems, but it could be worse than what it is now. Yes, everyone has a bad day or two, but it could be worse. Life can throw some serious curveballs at us sometimes.

Be thankful for the problems you have now and for those bad days when they come. They are there for a reason - to help you learn to pull through and to help you realize what you do want in life.

A lot of us don't know what we really want until we find out what we don't want. Or we find ourselves in a situation that we truly don't like.

By learning from these situations, finding out what we really want and focusing on what we really want, that's how we get to where we want to be.

You have a job that you despise. You hate going to work everyday, you're boss is non-supportive, etc, etc. But you need the money to pay your bills. You're in a catch-22. Do you quit your job and be happy or do you keep your job and be miserable?

Well, I quit my job last month and I haven't been happier since. Yes it's a little harder now but my husband is supportive and understanding. It's better to have a little less cash flow than to have a stressed out wife. Our home is more harmonious now and I have time to do the things that I was too stressed out to do before. New opportunities have opened up for me that wouldn't have if I was still caught up in the corporate world dealing with my day to day stress.

Raising kids and taking care of a household is a full-time job in itself but adding a stressful job that doesn't pay what you're worth makes you reconsider your priorities.

True, I could have found a different job but I would have just put myself back into the same situation as before. I have a background in computers so getting a technical job would have been easy. But I didn't want to go back to that world and the corporate world isn't that much better. So I decided to do what was best for me and my family for the long run.

That job taught me a valuable lesson and I am thankful for it. I learned what I didn't want in a job and I realized that I wasn't going to be happy in a traditional work environment. I had to create a job that I liked which is what I'm doing now with Creation Journeys.

I'm not advising anyone to just up and quit their job. What I am saying is that if you're in a situation that is not working stop and figure out what the problem is. For me, the list of problems with my old job was enormous, there was a serious management issue going on and the right people weren't doing the right thing about it. For you, it might be something that can be fixed.

Try and see the part that you don't like and find out what it is you do like. This applies to any situation, not just work. Take stock of the situation and look for a solution. There's no point in complaining about something if you're not going to try and fix it.

We get hit with a curveball sometimes. That happens because we need to get whacked upside the head every now and then. It's just a way to point us back in the right direction. Yes, it does hurt sometimes but you can prevent more curveballs by paying attention to what it is you want and focusing on getting there. The more you focus, the fewer curveballs. And if you're thankful for the curveballs you do get and really appreciate the lessons attached to them, they'll hurt less over time.

I Think I Can. I Think I Can. Can I ?

I think I can. I think I can. Can I?

Your mental train ticket to self-empowerment

We all find ourselves at certain points in our lives holding first class tickets to negative mental trains of thought. Michele Wahlder (MS, LPC, PCC), a two-time cancer survivor and Dallas, Texas-based Certified Life Coach and Psychotherapist, has placed thousands of people on the right track to self-empowerment via a plan she calls the 5 C Process. The journey challenges individuals to:

One

Clarify Current View – Where are you now- honestly?

Conscious awareness of your current view is the first step in becoming the best you can be. Getting clear about how your life aligns with your values, talents and unique gifts is vital to your happiness. You need to know where you are in order to learn where you want to go.

You can clarify your current view by completing a review of eight life areas. Be honest with yourself about how happy are you with your profession, finances, health and overall well-being, primary relationships, personal development, spirituality, environment, hobbies, etc.

Two

Connect with Your Highest Vision – Where do you want to be?

Example: A client of mine, a yoga instructor, decided she was happy teaching but wanted to contribute to the world on a larger level. She wasn’t happy with the quality of the yoga clothing that was accessible to her and her fellow yogis. Her vision was to design and create fun, hip and timeless yoga clothes using eco-conscious fabrics.

You have to get really clear about what you want. It is crucial that you connect to your highest vision of yourself because you can’t create it unless you are clear about what it looks like. If you don’t have a vision of where you want to go or what you want to be, you will most likely NOT get there. To quote Henrietta Klauser, “If you have a connection to what you want, take the next step and write it down.” If you don’t have any idea about what you want, or how you want to be in life to bring about greater happiness, begin looking through magazines and create a Vision Board/Collage of what attracts you. You may also want to consider getting an outside perspective from a friend or a professional coach. I take my clients through a guided imagery that gives them a glimpse of what their future could look like. There are also books that can help guide you. Just get help assessing your talents, divine gifts and abilities and then determine how you want to use them more fully in the world. We can’t help others as fully, if we are not aware of how we can best serve. So instead of thinking of it as selfish to engage in knowing yourself better, I would suggest you consider it selfish to hold back and not be the best you can be. Only in this way, can we help the world and others.

Three

Create Inspiring Goals – How will you get there?

Example: My client created a tiered plan of what needed to happen step by step – outer goal. All of this was influenced by her inner goal of keeping a measured pace and a balanced life. Her goal was to enjoy the process.

You have to create a plan and take specific actions to get you from where you are now to where you want to be. When most people write goals, they just write a list of action steps, usually external actions. I believe it is more powerful to have inner and outer goals. An outer goal is what you want. For instance, you might think, “I want a new house”. An inner goal is more focused on the how. How will a new home benefit me and my family? Will it offer more common gathering areas, a larger kitchen so that we can cook together, etc.? How can I appreciate what I have now until I get this home? How can I make this a joyful experience rather than a stressful one? If you can not be grateful for what you have now, then when you get a new home, it will only create very short-term happiness for you. Then, you will be focused on the next external illusion of happiness. For 2008, I suggest taking at least three of the life areas I mentioned earlier and jot down how you couldbenefit from living your highest vision in each area. Next, add action steps toward your desired achievements along with completion dates.

Four

Clear Obstacles – How will you remove obstacles in your way?

We all have dreams and visions for our life, but frankly, there are many things that can get in the way. The two most common obstacles I see with my clients are:

The inability to say NO— In order to bridge the gap from your current view to your highest vision, you have to make room for what “Could Be”. If your life is full and you want to add more of the things that are truly important in your life, you should start the change process by making room first. You must say no to some things in your life, so you can say yes to what is most important. You have to give up the destructive habits, behaviors and activities to make room for new ones.

A metaphor would be a water hose watering a flowering plant. The water in the hose is your life force and the flowering plant is what you are trying to grow in your life. If the water hose has leaks, it will not have enough water or life force/energy to reach its desired outcome or vision (to grow the plant into full bloom). Examples of leaks might include toxic friendships, unrealistic expectations, watching too much television, eating sugar, overspending, negative relational patterns with your spouse or working on an outdated job.

Example: A client’s obstacle here was that her 8- year-old daughter needed caring for and she was afraid she wouldn’t be able to be a good mother plus jumpstart a successful, new business. We remedied this issue by getting clear on the proper definition of a good mother. Also, practically speaking, she needed help picking up her daughter from school. So she got her husband to assist her in this area so she would have time to create this new business.

Negative self-talk—Research shows we have approximately 50,000 internal messages we say to ourselves daily. We are constantly walking around having conversations with ourselves. And it is what we say that makes all the difference in the overall quality of our lives.

Example: I was once in Starbucks, and I watched this woman spill her coffee while reaching for a sugar packet and I heard her say out loud, “I’m so stupid. I can’t believe I did that.”

Now, I just happen to hear her, but this is an example of something you might say internally as well. You might think, “No big deal. I say things like this to myself all the time.” Well, IT IS A BIG DEAL as our subconscious hears these messages and acts on them as if they were real. Don’t say anything to yourself that you wouldn’t want someone else saying to you.

Think of self-talk like mental fuel. Now, imagine filling your car with dirty water. We all know you wouldn’t get very far. Now, take that same car and fill it with high quality gasoline. You’ll most likely reach your destination. It is the same with people and the words we use. If the words are negative and toxic, we will sputter along with low energy and our performance suffers. If our words are positive and tender, we will feel confident, energized, encouraged and will most likely meet our goals faster and easier. Here are some key things to remember if you ever find yourself preparing to board the train of BAD self-talk:

B– stands for belittling self-talk. Stop telling yourself, “I am not good enough.” If your dream is to have a healthy self-confidence, which of the following examples is more likely to get your there:

A. “I’m so stupid. I can’t believe I did that.”

B. “Whoops, mistakes happen.”

Can you see how the Answer B is much kinder?

A – stands for awfulizing. Stop predicting a future filled with gloom and doom, and dwelling on scary thoughts. If you dream of obtaining a career you love, which of the following will move you closer to your vision:

A. “I did terribly on my interview, I’ll never find a job I like.”

B. “I will answer that question on past employment differently next time and I will ace it! I know I will one day have the job I love.”

Can you see how Answer B places you in the mindset of a successful job search?

D – stands for deceiving. This is when you deceive yourself into thinking you are a victim, and that other people are to blame for your circumstances. If we want a happy relationship which will of the below responses will aid in achieving this goal:

A. “If my spouse would only do more around the house, then I would be happy.”

B. “I can and will choose happiness today, no matter what my spouse does.”

Answer B is the right choice, wouldn’t you agree?

S – stands for shoulding – This is when you give yourself a lot of shoulds, musts, and ought tos, then beat yourself up for not living up to unrealistic standards. Say your dream is to be in top physical condition, which will further that:

A. “I should have eaten a salad for lunch instead of that big ol’ hamburger. I’m such a pig!”

B. “I could have eaten a salad, but I chose not to. Tomorrow I will make healthier choices.”

The second choice is so much more inspiring, don’t you think?

Five

Commit to Action – Are you willing to do what it takes?

The final step of the 5 C Process is to commit to action. How many times have we all made plans and never carried them out, or started off excited and lost motivation? No one ever does anything great alone. We all need encouragement and support from others including an accountability partner who is willing to help hold the vision of the person you want to be. In the previous example of my client, her biggest negative self-talk was how to be a good mom and a good business woman. Her thoughts were, “If I don’t pick up my child every day from school, I am a bad mother.” Instead, we replaced it with, “Picking up my child from school daily is not what makes me a good mother. I am, indeed, a fabulous mother.”

Here are the four action steps that have been proven to help you eliminate your negative self talk:

• Become aware of your negative messages –listen to voice in head

• Stop! You have to stop immediately if you find yourself dwelling on any negative thoughts

• Replace negative thoughts with a kinder alternatives

• Practice. It takes a commitment of time in order to turn a pattern of negative thinking into a more positive train of thought.

How to pass an Interview

Nine Steps to Interview Success

These days, the average person changes their career seven to ten times within their life span. This means that the average person is going to send out several hundred copies of their resumes in their lifetime…and yes, they’re going to have to go through several interviews in their lifetime.

Scary, huh?

If the interview process makes you nervous, well, you’re not alone. But right now, it’s time to stop worrying. You’re about to learn the nine vital steps for interview success…how to pass any interview you face!

Step 1: Research the Company that you are being interviewed for:

It’s a pretty obvious trick: research the company you’re interviewing for and be prepared to show off what you know about them. Way too many people show up for an interview without having the first idea about what the particular company stands for. The truth is that you should know at least something about the company’s mission, its general business process, and its particular needs. Know how long the company has been in business and whether they’re financially sound and profitable. Research the company with a view to determine what you can do to help them achieve their goals. Be prepared to say specifically how your personal goals and experience are going to be valuable to the company.

Step 2: Know your resume:

In virtually any interview situation, you’re interviewer is going to ask you questions about your resume, about your experiences and even about the quirky stuff you’ve listed to pad it out. You should read your resume over and over, and know the details of it because you never know when you’re going to be asked about your chess playing experience or your interest in literature. Make sure there’s nothing detailed on your resume that you’re uncomfortable talking about.

Step 3: Dress for Success:

Appearance can become nine-tenths of the law if you don’t pay attention to it. For every interview, make sure you wear garments that are professional and appropriate the position that you’re seeking. Your clothes should be comfortable, clean, and pressed. Don’t create a crisis for yourself on the morning of the interview when it comes to your clothes. Pick out your outfit and make sure it’s ready the night before your big interview.

Step 4: Make sure that you wake up early and are on time:

Just as you shouldn’t let your wardrobe run you down on the big day, you shouldn’t let traffic or public transport delays upset you either. It’s also crucial that you don’t get lost on the way so have directions –and confirm them if you have to – well before you set off. These days, with MapQuest, you have no excuses. Make sure you leave the house early, and plan to be at the interview at least ten minutes early.

Step 5: Review interview questions:

Interviews may be pretty scary but they’re also pretty predictable. It doesn’t take much to predict the basic questions you’re going to be asked. Here are some examples:

Tell me about yourself?

Tell me about a time you failed miserably in your career?

What is your greatest strength/weakness?

Where do you see yourself five years from now?

What are your salary expectations for this position?

Why should we hire YOU?

Prepare sample answers to these questions. Memorize a couple of key responses. Remember that no matter who you’re interviewing for or with, if it’s a job interview, the basic focus is going to be on your experience, your goals, and your potential to contribute to the company. Be sure you can argue a case for yourself on these key points.

Step 6: Let the interviewer lead you:

The interviewer is the one running the interview but you can set the pace. Wait for the interviewer to ask the questions. Take your time to listen to the questions. Give your answers carefully; make sure they are considered. That said, each of your answers should be given with an energetic and enthusiastic voice. Above all, smile and enjoy the interview. Be courteous and always thank the interviewer at the end of the interview. Tell them that you’re well qualified for the job, and that you will prove it to them upon being hired. Don’t be afraid to be confident in yourself and your abilities.

Step 7: Ask for the next step:

The interviewer will ask most of the questions but you will have a chance to get a word in shortly. Find out what will happen next, and what you should expect after the interview. When should you be hearing from them about the job? When will the hiring decision be made?

Step 8: Send a thank you note:

Everything you do regarding your interview has consequences. Just as a good sales person follows up on a lead, after each interview you attend you should be sure to send a thank you note to the employer and the interviewer, thanking them for their time. Going the extra mile in this way will generally show that you’re qualified for the position, or at least that you’re a serious and diligent person.

Step 9: Follow-up:

Of course, sending a thank you note is something you do immediately after the interview. A reasonable period after, usually a week or two at least, you should take one further step to follow up. Call the company offices and ask if you can speak to the hiring manager who interviewed you. You can start the conversation by asking if they received your note. Then you can ask them if any decisions were made and, if not, approximately when you should call back or otherwise expect to hear from them. Don’t be pushy; above all, be polite and courteous, even if a response is not forthcoming.

WHEN YOU’RE HIRED…THINGS TO THINK ABOUT…

If you are hired, remember that you need to stand up to your promises. You should always be putting 110% effort. An unspoken trick to get comfortable in interviews and to always get the job you want: in every job you accept, make yourself shine. Regardless of how much you are paid or how much responsibility and work you’re given, take the initiative to do more. The more you’re prepared to do for your job, the future each of your jobs will take you. Don’t worry about being rewarded, just keep working hard, and it will pay off. I guarantee it.